Always The Last To Know...

Father's Day....  2016

Everything I went through. The surgery. The hospital stays. The complications and strictures. The dilation then the stent was done so that life could happen. It was done so that I could live and experience life to it's fullest. 

Tonight a new milestone. 

I am going to be a Grandpa. 

It seems everyone knew about it but me. We had Maddie's graduation party yesterday and I am shocked at the number of people who knew and no one said anything. At least no one said anything to me...

The baby is due on January 1st of 2017. 

You take risk. You make plans. You hope and pray that things work out. 

And today they did.

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

(With Arms Wide Open   Creed)

Does That Come With A Toy?

I mentioned in my last post that I had recently gone fishing in Canada. One night while there we went to a small restaurant for dinner. Now it has been 10 months since I had my stomach removed and you would think that I would have this whole eating thing under control, but you would be wrong.

The restaurant we stopped at was a small family diner attached to a motel. We were the only ones in the dining room and we had a very attentive waitress. I ordered what I thought was a safe meal, chicken tenders. The meal was six fairly large chicken portions. They were cooked a little on the over done side, but with enough BBQ sauce I figured I would be just fine. Well on the second or third bite a piece got stuck. So much for "safe".

Food getting stuck happens every so often and I have learned how to deal with the situation. Most of the time these events are self inflicted. In this case I was chatting with my friends, not paying attention to how well I was chewing my food, and a big chunk got stuck. My fault all the way around. Once food gets stuck, it has to get unstuck. It is that simple. Nothing else can go down until whatever is stuck moves. Once you dislodge the food you are are kind of sore and on this particular evening I was pretty much done eating.

Well, about that time the waitress came back asking us how our meals were. She saw my plate of food and said to me "Well, your's must not have been all that good". I assured her that it was fine and I was just full. You could tell from the look on her face that she didn't believe me but she didn't say anything.

Later she returned and asked me if I needed a to go box which I politely declined. Wrong decision on my part. She immediately took that comment as if I had just lied to her about the quality of the food. She needed to know why I didn't like my meal and was not taking no or "it was fine" for an answer.

I have mentioned before that without a stomach I need to eat 5-6 times a day. Before the surgery I could eat maybe once or twice a day and that was all I needed. So this is a big change for me. Before I would wait to eat until I got hungry and then go scrounge something to eat. Once I was full I could continue on with my normal life. Now I don't get hungry. There is nothing to tell me to eat.

Our youngest daughter graduates from high school tomorrow. With the ceremony and then a full schedule of graduation parties to attend, I have this funny feeling that there will be more days upcoming where my eating mirrors that of my life before the surgery.
My plan is to keep reminding myself to eat but that is easier said than done. For instance, last Sunday I was staining our deck in preparation for our daughters graduation party. I worked on the deck the entire day and it wasn't until after 6 pm that I came to the realization that I had only had a half of bagel to eat all day.

You don't get hungry, you don't feel full. You feel "normal". Then your body, or in this case, someone else reminds you that you are far from normal.

Back in Canada I proceeded to explain to the waitress what had happened and that I had recently had my stomach removed. Due to this I couldn't eat much and that there was nothing wrong with her food. Also, since we were from the states we had no way to keep the leftovers safe for later. All was fine. I just wasn't going to eat anymore.

Her answer to the entire ordeal was "you come in again for your next meal and I will let you order off the kiddie menu..."

Really?

Though the dawn may be coming soon

There still may be some time

Fly me away to the bright side of the moon

And meet me on the other side

(Dream Weaver  Gary Wright)

A Run To The Border!

Remember in the early 90's when Taco Bell's slogan was to "run to the border". I was working for Best Buy at the time and there were many days when that phrase would echo down the hall. It was lunchtime and the only question that needed to be answered was, "we are running to the boarder, you in?"

Well today I got to run to the border once again. This time however it will not be to Taco Bell.

Welcome to Canada. Our journey takes us to Nipigon Ontario on the northern shores of Lake Superior.  I have never fished in Canada and nor have I fished Lake Superior so this will be a first for me.  Large northern, large walleye, and large small mouth bass are our targets for the next couple of days.

The spot we will be fishing has been producing large northern pike over the past week or so. The numbers of northern pike over forty inches has been mind blowing.  Over a couple of day span this particular bay has produced forty plus fish over the 40 inch mark. To say I am excited to get out there would be an understatement.
The weather will be a challenge for us as rain and storms are being forecasted for the area later tomorrow. The bay we will be fishing in will provide some cover, but Lake Superior is big and I do not be on her in a boat when the storms roll in. So the plan is to hit it hard tonight and then again tomorrow for as long as the weather holds.  With everything I have been through over the past 9 months, I really do not want to star in my own version of the deadliest catch....

Update:
We are off the lake for the evening. In total we landed seven northerns the smallest was thirty six inches and the large ones were well over forty inches long. These were some of the largest fresh water fish I have seen.

And we are just starting our time here.

Gutless In Kansas City

How do you stay “fed” while on a business trip when the trip is short of time and lined wall to wall with meetings? The short answer is that you don’t. It is just not possible. These times are what makes getting back to a normal life after a total gastrectomy (T.G.) tough.

To stay healthy after my T.G. I need to eat 5-6 times a day.  I keep food and snacks in my office that I can reach for anytime. Eat some chips here, or some crackers there. Just keep eating is my motto. I understand that I am never going to be able to sit down like a normal person and eat enough food at any given time to keep me sustained for a long period of time. So I need to eat constantly. It is just a rhythm that I have learned to roll with. 

Well you can’t do that when on the road. You are just too busy and the challenge is that if you miss one or two smaller meals, you can’t just eat more later to make up for it. If you don't eat, it is just a meal missed. You can only eat so much so that missed meal is just food you don't get. Trust me, I have tried and failed on more than one occasion to eat more to make up for a missed meal and it is not pretty.

We arrived in Kansas City yesterday around lunch time. I had breakfast in the morning and a light snack at the airport. All good. Then if you count the peanuts on the plane then I was able to eat three times before lunch. Lunch was at an amazing Kansas City BBQ joint. However, after lunch the wheels started to come off my plan. Due to plant tours and process meetings the next chance I had to eat anything was dinner. So now I had missed two smaller “meals” that I normally eat.  Dinner was a local Japanese grill. This would be my first time eating sushi since my TG, and regrettably it did not go so well. The food was great, but my body didn't like it. Even my main course did not agree with me and I threw up everything I ate. Not good. Later in the evening I tried to eat some french fries just to get something in me, but after my dinner experience I was too sore and I threw them up also. 

Today (Wednesday) started early. We needed to be on location earlier than normal so I missed breakfast at the hotel. I was able to grab a bag of chips during a break, but other than that my first food came at noon when we went to lunch. I can’t tell you if it is related or not but I physically started to hurt this morning as the day progressed. The pain didn’t start to go away until after I ate at lunch. So far today I have really eaten only once and I should have eaten at least 4 times by now. 

We are getting ready to head home and are at the airport. I have sometime available to me to catch on my eating. However there is a bar right near me and I could go get a beer. If you know anything about me you know that I chose poorly. I can always eat later. Goose Island IPA.  J

Overall the trip was a success. We were able to find many ways to support our overall trip objective. 

I just need to get this eating thing down.

In the hustle of the day, were all inclined to miss

Little things that mean so much

A word, a smile, and a kiss

(Try A Little Tenderness   Frank Sinatra)

Another Year...

It’s funny how this day just sneaks up on you. One minute it's months away and then all the sudden you are like, wholly crap it’s tomorrow. What day is it? Well tomorrow is my birthday. In total it is number 54, but it is my first since having my stomach removed so it seems appropriate to look back at this past year some. 

Since my last birthday, a lot has changed. I mean I started the year with a stomach and then let them cut it out. 

I have spent more than my fair share of time in hospitals. I have way to many IV’s and found out the hard way what a PIK line was. 

I spent a day at Valleyfair with my family enjoying the lights and the rides, yet got no lights and sirens with my ambulance ride. Go figure. 

I have been poked and prodded and prodded and poked. It seems like everyone and their sister has stabbed me with needles this past year. I now stab myself with one on a monthly basis just so I don’t forget what the feeling is like. I have seen doctor after doctor and they never seem to agree. So you just roll with it.

In the end  I was put to sleep fourteen times this past year and woke up each and every time. So I got that going for me. However by the time we got everything under control I had lost 82 pounds. 

I am slowly starting to put some of it back on (183 pounds and counting as of this morning).

As tough as the year was, it is still highlighted by the positive news that there is no cancer to deal with. So many people are not that lucky so I will count my blessings. 

The next few weeks of May will be busy to say the least. The good busy will include Jenny coming home! There will be a number of my family and friends all of whom will have birthdays during this time which give us reasons to celebrate. Yet there will be that one birthday that will be kind of tough. My little girl turns 18 soon. She is an amazing young lady, but she is our youngest and I still see her as that little ball of energy bounding through the house with no fear. They grow up too fast.

Then there will also be the anniversary of my Dad’s passing. 22 years. UUGGHH.

To top it all off I will be traveling to Kansas City next week on business. Yep, heading to land of amazing BBQ joints and great craft beer.... 

All without a stomach (insert sad faced emoji here).

I don't know where I'm going

But, I sure know where I've been

Hanging on the promises In songs of yesterday

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

But, here I go again

(Here I go again..  Whitesnake)

Settling Into A Rhythm... Sort Of..

It has been almost 8 months since I had my stomach removed and 5 weeks since I had the stent removed and I seem to have settled into what my adjusted life will be from now on.

Except for one thing.

My nemesis..
A nemesis is described as "the inescapable agent of someone's or something's downfall". Mine is chocolate. I know that now. I always though it would have been Diet Coke or beer, but it's not. It's chocolate in any shape or form. I have decided that since I enjoy chocolate, I am going to eat chocolate. I must have chocolate. Yet, my body has other ideas. So I do my best to just grab a piece here and there. I try to be sneaky about it, but that doesn't work. Then my body starts to retaliate by gurgling and peculating quite a bit. It really does make a pretty loud ruckus. In my mind that just means that it just needs more chocolate and the battle of wills begins. So far I have lost most of these tasty battles, but the campaign is not yet over.  So stay tuned..

Other than chocolate, I can eat what I want and even the portion sizes have started to increase. I still need to work on when to stop eating though. There have been a couple of times, since the stent was removed, where I ended up throwing up because I ate too much. If you remember I don't get hungry and I don't feel full. That is until it's too late. It is all about balance. I Slowly try to increase the amount I am eating in order to gain weight, without eating too much or I throw it all back up.

The other night I had a T-bone steak. First steak since the whole stent episode started and I grilled it to perfection. So I had the smaller tenderloin side and was fine. I thought that I could handle at least some of the porterhouse side. Did I mention that it was cooked to perfection? Well I tried to eat all of it. Wrong decision on my part. Well you live and learn I guess.

My days now consist of a small breakfast. A snack when I get to work. Another snack around 10:00 am or so and then try to pack in 30 grams of protein for lunch. Usually that will hold me until just before I head home, so I have a snack before I leave. Snacks can be applesauce, a protein bar, potato chips, or even sting cheese. It just depends on what I have in my office at that particular time. Once home I eat whatever I can whip up, as often as I can. If I have to work at the liquor store then I take a bevy of snacks with me. Hit the 60-70 gram mark per day and I am good to go.

I now weigh 181 pounds and seem to be holding steady. It can fluctuate a pound or two on a daily basis, but I have been over 180 for the last four or five days so I will take it. It would be a lot easier though if I could eat chocolate,
I'm just sayin..

You can say the human heart is only make-believe
And I am only fighting fire with fire
But you are still a victim of the accidents you leave
As sure as I'm a victim of desire
(Don't Ask Me Why  Billy Joel)

Gaining Weight

It has been just over three weeks since I had the stent removed and I thought I would give you a quick update on how things are going. The good news here is that there is not a lot to update.

I am back on the path of trying to gain weight.
Before the stent was put in I weighted around 186 pounds and for the most part I was comfortable with that weight. Anywhere between 186-190 and I would have been just fine. Then I had the stent put in and my weight crashed. I had the one morning when I hit 169 pounds but I had forgotten to put my wallet and cellphone in my pockets so it didn't count. Now with the stent gone I am gaining weight, not as much or as fast as I would like but it is heading in the right direction. I have flirted with 180 pounds a couple of times, but even with the "extra" things in my pockets I can't seem to get out of the 170's. I am currently stuck right around 178 pounds.
Eating is still an adventure but it has gotten a lot better. I am back to eating what I want (within reason). Still it can change from day to day. For instance one night last week I was craving a burger. So we headed to the River Inn and I had a bacon cheese burger, no veggies on it, but it was complete with the bun. Everything went just fine and I managed to eat about three quarters of it. The next day at lunch I had the exact same thing, just a different restaurant, and I struggled to eat any of it. I can't tell you what the difference was, I just couldn't eat it.

I have officially given up on calorie counting. My doctor keeps pushing me to eat 2,500+ calories per day and I am here to tell you that will not happen. The best I was able to achieve was 2,000 calories in one day. That day it seemed like all I was doing was shoving food into my face and with my life that is just not sustainable. So I am back to focusing on counting proteins and trying to eat at least 60 grams of protein per day. When I hit or exceed 60g, I can gain weight, or at least stay the same. Under 60g and I loose weight.
Oh, and on the day I managed to eat 2,000 calories... I lost a half pound. Proteins are a lot easier to keep track of.

Work has been crazy in a good way and will continue to be so until probably the end of May. There will be lots of long days with team members coming and going. There will be team dinners and gatherings to keep me busy and we threw in a business trip in mid May just to keep things interesting. And you know what? Life without a stomach has not slowed me down one bit. In fact it pretty much mirrors what life was like before any of this started.  It's all good.

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few
(Goodbye Stranger  Supertramp)