It was February 9th 2015 when I received the news that I carried the mutated CDH1 gene. Four years have come and gone since then and a lot has happened. So I started wondering what all would have happened if I hadn’t had the testing done. What if I hadn't had the surgery. What would happen if I could go back in time and tell myself what all was coming my way over the next few years.
What if I could go back?
What would I say?
Would I change anything?
Complicated questions…
I could talk about the positive aspects of my decision. There was no cancer
found. There is no chance that the cancer, HDGC, will ever rear it's ugly head. I am also healthier then I was before the surgery.I could go on and on about the less positive aspects, like strictures and the stent. How the stent was painful and had to be removed, but still in the end it did its job.
Not related to the surgery, I could talk about the job loss that followed and work out a plan to do a better job managing through that.
Would I let slip the amazing news that the title of Grandpa was coming its way soon? Would I mention the news about a second one due in May?
Would I list off all of the family and friends that were about to enter or reenter his life? Or the people who are going to be stopping by just to check in to see how things were going?
I would definitely make sure that there was NO MOPED RIDE during the 2017 Hanover Harvest Festival. Keep that scooter in the garage!
So what if I did all of this?
What if I had the chance to go back and tell myself all of
this?
Would it change anything? Would I want it to?Honestly, I hope not.
Since that day I have experienced all the emotional ups and downs that come with having to make the decision on whether or not I was going to have them remove my stomach. I have had to live with the second guessing and the what if’s after I made that decision.
Still would I change anything? I believe that it was the challenges and the stress of going through that time that has helped make this latest situation more bearable, or less shitty if you pardon my language.
You see life still happens. Through this all, life has
presented me with one surprise after another. Some were unwelcomed and
ill-timed. Still so many were good surprises, some were down right amazing.
So on this anniversary of sorts, I just want to reflect on
this part of the journey and acknowledge that even with all my current challenges
that life still happens.So if I did go back I imagine that I would probably just share a beer with myself. Tell myself something along the lines of "you're doing fine", but "buckle up buttercup".
There is still more life yet to be lived.
Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me
(Dear Younger Me
MercyMe)
