Regret

It has been a little over 90 days since I had the surgery to remove my stomach and I seem to holding my own. There are still days when food gets stuck but for the most part the dilation seems to be working (knocking on wood).  My next appointment at the Mayo isn’t for another week or so and hopefully things will remain quiet until then.  My weight has stabilized and I have been sitting at 195 for over a month now.

I had a couple of questions asked of me recently that I thought I would share.

First question, "How does it feel to not have a stomach?"  

Well, I can tell you that once your stomach is out, you feel the same as when it was in. There is no hollow feeling or empty space where it used to be that I have this yearning to fill. It doesn’t seem like I am missing anything. I never really get hungry and I never really feel full. If we are working outside I could go all day without eating and not miss it. I just get tired and run out of energy. I have learned that if I eat too much, or to quickly, then I hurt and my body sends the food back out the way it came. So if I eat and nothing gets stuck, then it feels the same as when I had a stomach. If food gets stuck then all bets are off.

When I had the stricture and would drink something, whatever I drank would stop about mid-chest. I would experience pain across my chest similar to getting gas stuck. It would be there for a few seconds and then you would feel it “leak” through.  Food would just sit there until it passed or came back up. There again would be pressure and pain until the food decided which way it was going, but then I would be fine. Since my dilation procedure most things (food and beverage) pass through so eating has become less of an adventure which is nice.

I am noisy. I gurgle and percolate a lot. Not much quiet time left, cause somewhere, something inside of me is making a ruckus. To the point that even the dogs don’t want to lay too close. The noises I make scare them. Jake, our little one, once jumped up when I gurgled and went and started barking at the door. I am not sure who he thought was coming in.  He is an amazing little dog, but not the brightest bulb on the tree.

Second question, “Do I regret the decision to remove my stomach?”
It is just with the stricture, the additional hospital stay, and other complications I endured, do I wish I had not had the surgery?  The short answer to that question is “no”. I mean there are days when you are throwing up your latest meal, when you ask yourself why did I do this?  There have been moments when I have told my wife that “I am done now, I want my stomach back.”  You will feel that sense of loss when you see someone eating or drinking something, you enjoy, but know that you can't have anymore. In the end though it could be worse, a whole lot worse.

I watch as friends and family battle cancer and what they have to go through. I watched as my little sister battled cancer. She had to do chemo, radiation, and then after all that have her stomach removed. Even today she has to deal with the aftereffects of the cancer and continues to fight. If you want to see real strength look into these folks eyes as they face down this disease. The strength and determination that they show as they face the unknown is amazing.

I have said it before, I got lucky, I didn’t have cancer. I just had my stomach removed. So no I do not regret my decision. I am old and stubborn in my ways, so it may take me longer to adjust and learn to live without my stomach, but the decision to remove it was still the right choice.

These were just some interesting questions I have been asked, so I thought I'd share.

Roger

I have been reading a lot of the classic novels recently so instead of a music quote, I will leave you with a quote from Charles Dickens out of his novel David Copperfield. 

“For our path in life is stony and rugged now, and it rest with us to smoothit. We must fight our way onward. We must be brave. There are obstacles to be met, and we must meet and crush them!”