My Scar...

I have talked about my scar a few times and how much I hate it. Even today 15 months later it still looks ugly. It still looks angry. And it still hurts. 

I had wanted the original operation to be laparoscopic to avoid having a big scar. With that type of procedure I should have come out of surgery with only five small one inch scars. Well, at some point in time during the surgery, things went sideways and they need to open me up. So now I have this six to seven inch scar running down the middle of my chest. 

So today I headed to the University Of Minnesota to start steroid injections in an effort to try to get this scar to settle down some.  

Funny thing about getting steroid injections. They don’t numb up the area before they start jabbing you with the needle. Who does this? I mean even the dentist gives you some topical before he stabs you with a needle. 

Their reasoning for this is that since both the numbing agent and the steroids are done with a series of shots, it only makes sense to do one series. They feel it makes no sense to start jabbing you with one needle to numb the area and then have to jab you another needle to inject the steroids. Your gonna feel one series of shots anyway so you might as well just get it over and done with. So they go in live. In theory it make sense.
That is until you notice the other folks in the room.

Like other procedures I have had, before the procedure starts, the doctor went over what everyone in the room was going to be doing. In short the other folks were in the room to try to keep my mind off the procedure (WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON!).

One person was there to relax me by messaging my neck. That was nice. Another person was there to watch my feet to make sure that I kept wiggling my toes to keep my mind off the pain. Yes, it really does help. Then there was someone whose sole job was to keep me talking. You see if you are talking then you are breathing. If you are not talking then you might be trying to hold your breath through the procedure which could lead to you passing out. Which would be bad.

Once he had explained what everyone was doing he asked me if I had any questions. My question was “This is really going to suck, isn’t it?”. His response was “Yep, this is gonna sting a bit”.

Needless to say it hurt like hell.  They needed to inject steroids on both sides of the scar so that it healed evenly. So they went from side to side all the way down the length of the scar. Oh and when they happened to hit a sensitive spot on my scar, well that took the level of suck to whole new plane.
In my defense they only had to remind me to breath twice.

Today was the first of what will most likely be three sets of injections.
Next one is set for December 13^th. 

So I got that going for me…  Which is nice..

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

(Don't stop me now  Queen)

Another First.

Well that went better than I thought it would.  

Yesterday I was eating lunch when all of the sudden it felt as if I was chewing on a bunch of sand. I spit out what was in my mouth and there was the remains of what once was a filling I had in one of my teeth.

So I started searching around with my tongue trying to find it. 

Hoping that it was just a filling and not part of the tooth. 

Hoping that it was one of my lower teeth. 

Hoping that there would not be any piercing pain when I found it.

Well as the Meat Loaf song goes, two out of three ain’t bad.

First, there was no sharp areas around the tooth, so from what I could tell it was just a filling that had popped out. Second there was no pain. It was shallow and no nerve ending were exposed. I even went so far as to drink a cold beer or two later in the day and there was still no pain. All good. 

The bad news was that it was an upper molar. 

Now I am not a big fan of dentists. I have had a few root canals in my time and have had my share of both good and bad experiences in dentist offices. So I wouldn't go as far as saying that there was a fear of going to the dentist...  Actually, yea fear is good word to use. 

We have been going to the same dentist for a while now. He knows about my surgery and knows that my head cannot go below the rest of my body for any extended period of time. I mean normally, if it is an upper tooth, it feels like they just turn you upside down and go to work. They couldn't do that with me anymore. And since this would be my first dental work since having my surgery I was concerned on how it would go. 

The only thing Dr. B said when he came in the room was “Really? You couldn’t have lost one of the lower fillings?”. He then smiled and told me not to worry. He was pretty sure he could get at it without tipping me on my head. It was just a matter of adjusting the chairs around a bit and we would be fine.

In the end I think it took them more time to get us all situated in positions that would allow him to get at the tooth, than it did to actually fix the tooth.

I was in and out in about 35 minutes and all I can say is that there was no pain which is always nice.

Thanks Dr. B!

Welcome to my nightmare!

I think you're gonna like it!

I think you're gonna feel you belong!

We sweat and laugh and scream here!

'Cause life is just a dream here!

You know inside you feel right at home, here!

(Welcome To My Nightmare   Alice Cooper)

Sleep.

It has been a while since I posted anything, so I thought I would give a quick update.

A few weeks ago I had my 14 month checkup. These checkup are always the same. They involve being poked, prodded and drained of a few vials of blood. For the most part all of the blood work tests came back fine. They were on the low end of the acceptable range, but in the acceptable range none the less.  

As always, once the test are run, the conversation goes to how I am doing. They want to know how I am adjusting to my new life without a stomach, and for the most part I am doing well.  The one exception to this would be sleep. Since the surgery getting a full night’s sleep has been a challenge. Some nights I might get a few hours at a time, but there have been many nights when the hours just seem to slowly slip by. 

This all started while I was in the Mayo Clinic. It sometimes feels like my insides are shifting from one side of my body to the other in the space where my stomach used to reside. The doctors assure me that it is not the case, but that is what it sometimes feels like. 

When I sleep I need to make sure that my head remains above my body. Your stomach has a flap that keeps stomach acid and bile from coming back up your esophagus. Well they removed mine when they removed my stomach, so it limits how I can sleep.  Again, this was nothing new I have been struggling with this for the past year.

We tried everything. Over the counter drugs, Melatonin and natural sleep aids. Nothing worked. We even went so far as to go out and buy a new mattress. Nothing worked. 

While at the Mayo Clinic had put me on Ambien and it seemed to be doing its job. I may not sleep all night, but it wouldn’t take long for me to fall back asleep. The problem…  Ambien is a federally regulated drug and getting a refill takes an something just short of a letter from the FDA. 

I was given one refill and then nothing. 

So now they have put me on a second antidepressant.  Yea, I wrote second.  I take one in the morning to help “keep me balanced” and I take two of the other antidepressants to help me sleep. We have agreed to give it two months and see how I do. I will tell you that I am sleeping better. I may wake up, but I can go back to sleep. I have had no sleepless nights. 

It is just antidepressants have side effects.  Even taking one has side effects, but I am now taking two different ones.

We will see how this story unfolds…

Golden slumbers fill your eyes

Smiles awake you when you rise

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry

And I will sing a lullaby

(Golden Slumber  The Beatles)

Give It A Year They Said.. Give It A Year..

After my surgery last year it was recommended that I give my body a year or so to heal before I started doing anything "strenuous" again. Yesterday I found out why.

I played 18 holes of golf for the first time since I had my stomach removed.

The original agreement with the doctors was that I would wait to play golf until next summer. I am not sure if this was to protect me or to give the local fairways I had been on a chance to grow back. I don't know, six of one, half dozen of the other I guess. Still I checked in with my doctor on Friday and got the OK to get back out there and swing away.

One thing that they did tell me was that I might be surprised to find out how much a round of golf would take out of me. What? It was a round of golf. It was a best ball tournament for heavens sake and we were riding in a cart. How much energy could it take?
I was about to find out.

The first five or six holes went just fine. I didn't play all that well, but my energy level was up and I felt good. We laughed and made jokes as we made our way around the course.

About the 6th hole or so, I started noticing that I was getting tired. The clubs seemed heavier and they took a lot more energy to swing. I figured that I just needed some food so I snacked up. I got some chips, some water and figured it would tied me over until the end of the round when we would eat.
I got this... Or so I thought..

By the time we started staring down the last four or five fairways, I was wiped. I had to pull myself out of the golf cart. It took all of the energy I had to swing even my lightest clubs. I mean we were ridding in golf carts and it felt as if I had just walked the entire course. My energy was just gone.

I like to stay active. I am just not sure how you stay active when you have to continually worry about stuffing your face with food just so you do not run out of gas.

Anyway, they say that a bad day golfing is better than a good day working and it does still hold true for me. As tired as I was by the end of the round I still had an amazing time. The best part of the day was spending some time with a lifelong friend that I do not get to see nearly often enough. I just pray that we do not wait another two years to see each other again.

Seventeen has turned thirty-five
I'm surprised that we're still livin'
If we've done any wrong I hope that we're forgiven
Got a few kids of my own
And some days I still don't know what to do
(Cherry Bomb  John Mellencamp)

The Ties That Bind

"As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well."  (Basic Text of the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous pg.57)

This past Saturday was our 28^th wedding anniversary. What a difference a year makes. This year, I worked at the store in the morning which left us the evening to relax and enjoy each other’s company. We had an early dinner at the River Inn, won some money at pull tabs (then gave it back), and then buzzed the town on our mopeds. We finished off the evening with a cocktail, some popcorn, and rented the movie “The Jungle Book”. All in all a good night.

Later today we will finish up our anniversary weekend with all the kids and an evening of laughter and games. Jenny and Sam are in town for the weekend which makes it even more special. This will probably be the last time we get to see them before the baby is born.

Last year, over our anniversary, I was just starting my weekly runs back and forth to the Mayo Clinic. They were beginning to suspect that a stricture had formed, but had not decided on starting dilations yet. In fact for our anniversary I was lucky that I wasn't spending additional time in the hospital, or that I was not enjoying my dinner through a Pic line. It was just the beginning of a really tough stretch in our lives. We were looking at traveling down a long tunnel of worry and not knowing, but we made it though. It just took some time.  

You lose count of anniversaries so I wanted to write about this one. I mean we have spent our anniversary together and separated. Our anniversary has arrived when we were sick or when we had sick kids to take care of. We have spent them in mourning over loved ones lost or with family and friends celebrating life. We even spent one, six years ago, in the intensive care unit at the University of Minnesota after I started hemorrhaging at dinner. So this year having one that was low key and relaxing was nice.  

The longer you stay together the more that can and will happen. The more that happens the stronger the ties that bind you together become. Just think, next year we should be celebrating our first anniversary as Grandparents. It's gonna be a good year..

Happy Anniversary Edie.

You should know, Everywhere I go
Always on my mind,
You're in my heart, In my soul

(You’re The Inspiration  Chicago) 

A Quick post....

We got some horrible news yesterday and I need to figure out a way to move past it, so I thought I would share some of it.

Over the past few years we have had the privilege of being able to help some young people out when, for one reason or another, they needed a place to stay. Sometimes things at home were tough or complicated, or sometimes they just needed a break. And since we have the room , when we can, we help.

I would love to say that all of these guest stays ended on positive notes, but that has not always been the case. Most of the times if an issue cropped up, it came from someone not wanting to follow the rules that were set down when they moved in.

The rules are pretty simple and the few major ones were:

• While in school they could stay with us as long as they want. But their parents needed to know and agree to let them them stay with us.
• The school needed to know where they were and they needed to go to school.
• Boyfriends were welcome but curfew is 11:00 PM and then boyfriends needed to go home.
• No alcohol.
• No drugs.     

There are other small requirements(like chores), but for the most part those were the major rules. If and when there was an problem with a guest, usually one of these rules were the issue.

Well earlier this week there was a horrible incident in one of the neighboring towns involving one of the young ladies that lived with us awhile back. Out of respect for all of the families involved I will not being going into details, however this young lady's life will be forever changed because of a poor decision that she and a friend made. Life doesn't have an undo button when things go bad.

This wanting to help comes from my parents. While I was growing up we would have extra people live with us all the time. We didn't have a lot of money but it didn't matter. I can remember on more than one occasion when an entire family would move in with us. If people need help, and you can help them, you do it. End of story.

So I was taught from a young age that if people need help and you can help, you do it. It is just one of the many teachings that were passed down from my parents that I am proud to carry on.
It is just hard because these young people become part of your family and you want them to succeed and flourish just like you do your own children. You want to celebrate their victories and accomplishments and want to help protect them from harm. All the while knowing that their not yours and all you can do is pray.

Sometimes that is not enough....

I can't tell you how much this hurts right now.

                                                                 Happier times.

Trouble.. "Warning Warning Will Rogers!"

Should have saw this one coming.
My wife and I went out for dinner at a new restaurant yesterday.
The restaurant is called the White Horse and it is located in St. Cloud Minnesota. The menu is packed with new and interesting items and I couldn't resist.

I settled on a dish off of their "Around The Globe" menu. It consisted of of lamb tips in a house massala, clove, tomato, yogurt and cream sauce. It should have screamed at me "too rich for you", but it didn't.

So I ate it. Or I tried to anyway.
I started getting sick before the bill arrived. Thank god it was early in the day and there wasn't a lot of customers in the restaurant.

It did taste amazing though. Maybe next time..

And there will be a next time. There always is..

No risk, no excitement
Hey lets get it while we can
'cause
Some mistakes are too much fun
To only make once
(Some Mistakes   Brad Paisley)