Change

I posted this quote on my Facebook page a few weeks ago. It was written by Samuel Decker Thompson “ We are all just a car crash, a diagnosis, and unexpected phone call, a new found love, or a broken heart away from becoming a completely different person."

It was a year ago today (February 9^th ) that I received the news that I had tested positive for the CDH1 genetic mutation. After hearing the news, if you remember, I walked out. I didn't go far. I just went outside of the cancer center in Maple Grove and sat on a bench to try to gather myself. When I look back on the day, sitting on that bench, I can tell you that you second guess everything. You fret how this news was going to change everything. How these results would mess up everything you had planned. How everything was going to be different. Now a year later I can tell you that things did change a lot, but in the end I changed less from test results or the surgery and more from events outside of this diagnosis.

You see, I have been there as friends and loved ones buried family members, and I changed. I have been there as our friends and family have fought with disease and I changed. I was there as friends and family struggled with job loss and job changes, and I changed. Since that day friends have moved away and I have met new friends, and I changed. I have lived, loved, laughed, cried, forgiven, rekindled and strengthen friendships and I changed. All of these changes were more dramatic than anything that has happened to me since I was given the label as being a CDH1 genetic mutation carrier.

Then there was this weekend.

This past weekend our oldest daughter let us know that she and her husband would be moving from Spirit Lake Iowa to Greensboro North Carolina. They will be doing it this coming Friday. They will go from being just three hours away from us to being closer to 24 hours away. More change. All of the plans we had as parents and future grandparents changed. From wanting to be hands on to being remote.

Change…

With that change comes the feeling of loss as you watch them spread their wings and fly away.
The feeling of pride and hopefulness, all the while you pray that your years of guidance and encouragement will help see them through.

In your heart you know that they will do great and they will be just fine.
You prepared them for this.

You just didn’t prepare yourself for it.

And you change…. 

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,

some ways will work and other ways we'll play.

But I know we all can't stay here forever,

so I want to write my words on the face of today.

(Change  Blind Melon)