Inner Strength

First off I would like to say Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays. Thank you for reading or continuing to read this blog.

Now It may or may not be a strange topic to write about during the holidays, but it has been on my mind a lot lately and I wanted to spend this time and write about it.

Inner Strength. What is it? It is defined as the strength within yourself, it makes you strong enough to stand up to others. If a person is sad for some reason they may rely on inner strength to pull them through whatever the case may be.

I am a member of a number of Facebook groups that support and connect people from all over the world who are dealing with the CDH1 mutation. These folks have to make the same decision that my sister and I did. Do they make that decision on whether or not to live with the threat or have it removed? In these post there is fear. There is anxiety, and there is hope. And in all of these post there is a point in time where the persons inner strength kicks in and they make the decision that is best for them and their family.

I can remember after I learned that I had tested positive for the CDH1 genetic mutation that for a while I was just numb. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus. I could stare at my computer screen at work and everything would just go blank. All the sudden I would snap out of it feeling that I had only been staring for a few minutes only to find that an hour had gone by.  It took quite a long time to come to terms with what was going on and I found when I look back sometimes I wonder how I made it through. Even today I struggle with my decisions.

This is my third Christmas stomachless. I would like to say that it has gotten easier as each year passes, but for some reason this holiday has been accompanied my extra anxiety over the past few years. In 2015 I was struggling with strictures and losing weight. In 2016 the company I worked for was sold and my position was eliminated. Now this year I am struggling to get healthy again after my accident and still cannot use my right eye.

It just seems that there has always been something that weighs on my mind during this time of the year.

Inner strength is what you rely on to get through this and not the let blahs get you down. I know I could, but I won’t let it. I can’t let it. I have been at too many funerals this year. I have seen too many doctors again this year. I have friends who have struggled and continue to fight health, wealth and employment issues.
This year for Christmas we are in North Carolina with my daughter and her husband. I just heard the little guy upstairs and soon he will be down here smiling and lifting spirits.  He has been battling an ear infection but doesn’t let it get him too down. You see when the music starts, no matter where it is from, he smiles and bops is head to the music.

Tonight we are going to a late mass, at a small church were a good friend of mine is Pastor to hear him tell the tale of a journey over 2000 years old. A journey about fear, anxiety and hope. A journey where inner strength took over a led a young family forward.

So now matter what your circumstances are. No matter what situation you find yourself in. My hope is that you reach back and rely on your inner strength to get you through it. In the end you might not know how you made it through it but the important this is that you did.

Merry Christmas.

Getttin' strong now Coming on, now
Gettin' strong now Gonna fly now
Flyin' high now Gonna fly, fly, fly
(Gonna Fly Now  Bill Conti)
(From Rocky 1)