Wait There Is Smoke!

Dateline May 3rd 2017

My appointment was at the University of Minnesota and I was there to get zapped by a laser.

The procedure was being conducted as a training class on a new piece of equipment which meant, as long as agreed to be their lab rat, the visit was free.  So I said...  Sure, what the heck.

Now I have mentioned before how much I dislike my scar. It didn't feel or look right and I wanted it fixed. So for the past few months I have been going to the U Of M to have steroid injections directly into the scar. The reason for this was to get the scar to flatten out. For the most part this worked. The injections weren't pleasant, but they did the job.

So this brings us to yesterday's laser treatment. They were supposed to be done to change the color of the scar. However when I arrived at the appointment things changed.

First thing I was told was that the laser treatment they were training on would not change the color, but instead would force the scar to reform properly this time. So I asked what was the difference between this and the steroid injections I just went through. His explanation was this time we are going to use the laser to due "controlled trauma" and then "vaporize" the scar. It sounded painful and I prepared for the worst. The good news was that there were going to use a numbing agent on the scar to help reduce the pain of being shot with the laser.

Now the numbing agent was just a numbing cream. The nurse was trying her best to follow the rules. She had a long swab and had it slathered with numbing agent. She was trying her best to smear in evenly across my scar. However a huge glop of the numbing agent dropped onto my hand. She then quit worrying about procedure and used her finger to smear the cream.

As for the glob on my hand? Well I decided to do what any guy would do and I wiped it on my pants. That was all well in good until a few seconds later when I rubbed my eye. Yep numbing agent in my eye. Don't try this at home folks I am a professional.

The procedure was to be done in the next room. My wife had to wait for me in the first room while the procedure was being done.

Once in the room, they made the decision to "train" on a second laser to help with the color of the scar. To do this one of the nurses had to go back into the room that my wife was in and get the second laser machine. When the nurse went into the room, grabbed the laser machine, she looked at my wife, smiled, and said "we are going to make him cry".  Really who says that?

So what was worst part of the session? Easy, that was watching them prep the machines. To make sure that lasers were aligned and working properly they tested them on tongue depressors. The first one they did was the one to change the color of the scar. I saw a flash of light and that was it. The second one was the one that needed to do the "controlled trauma" and then "vaporize" the scar. This one, when they hit the tongue depressor, produced a huge ball of smoke. All I could say was "Oh my god that is a lot of smoke". DR. Jue just smiled and responded, "yea, this one could hurt just a bit".  

The procedures went fine and I survived. The first laser they used was the one to try to change the color of the scar felt like a rubber band snap.  The second laser which was the one schedule to do all the damage, thanks to the numbing agent, only felt like small pin pricks. 

In fact the procedure went so well that they have agreed to do another 2-3 of these "training' sessions on me over the next couple of months for free.

We had so much fun, why not do it again!

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it, it gives forth a sound
It's got wires that vibrate and give music
What can this thing be that I found?

(2112    Rush)

An Anniverary Of Sorts.

So I was looking through some of my old post when I came across a blog I wrote just over a year ago..... And I missed an anniversary of sorts.

In this particular blog I mentioned how I had received the all clear on the tumor that they found in my esophagus. And with that came the news that I was all done with my trips down to the Mayo Clinic. I had ended one big part of this journey. A little over a year ago the hospitalization portion of this adventure stopped and it is kind of a big deal.

You see since then: 

I have not had to be admitted back into the hospital even once. 

I have not had to worry about how I was going to get to and from Rochester or who was going to drive me.

I have not had to worry about strictures.

I have not had to have dilations, or talk about getting another “damn stent”. 

I have not had a I.V. stuck in my arm.

I have not been put to sleep.

Now that is not to say that this year was filled with sunbeams and unicorns. Plenty of things have happened to take the place of hospital stays, as they say "life goes on". I also don't go a day without being reminded that I do not have a stomach. I have to think about it every time I eat, because if I don't then something gets stuck. Yes, even after all this time without a stomach, I still get food stuck on more occasions than I care to admit. When food gets stuck, then the area where the food is stuck swells and nothing goes down. Not even water. So once this happens there is nothing I can do about it except wait it out.

It is just my new normal but it is a new normal without a hospital stay.

On a side note, I have finished getting the steroid injections for my scar. All in all I had four sets of steroid injections. They were painful but they seem to have done the trick. My scar is not as pronounced as it once was.

The next step in this process happens on May 3rd when I go back to the U of M for a “training” session . They are going to be training on a new laser procedure which they hope will help reduce the redness of the scar tissue. Since it is a training session, there will be 25-30 people in the room when they do the procedure and I will be their test rat. Test Rat, another bucket list item checked off.

Funny story though. When the Dr. was “selling” me on this idea, he mentioned that it was totally safe and I didn’t need to worry about it. The most common side effect was an upset stomach. I just stared at him.
He went on to tell me that they could give me some medication before the procedure to lessen the impact to my stomach if I was concerned about it. Again I didn’t say anything I just looked at him and smiled. Really? 
It must have been five minutes later when he stopped mid-sentence and started to laugh. “telling a guy without a stomach that I could give him something to calm his stomach…. It’s gonna be a long day.” 
And I agreed to let this guy shoot me with a laser!  At least the procedure is free.

Hear the echoes and feel yourself starting to turn
Don't know why you should feel
That there's something to learn
It's just a game that you play

(Time Passages.  Al Stewart)

Week One Is In The Books

So I have successfully completed my first week at my new job. This week has been filled with onboarding meetings. They were stacked one after another. There was three onboarding lunches that I had to worry my way through, but with the exception of Tuesday all of them went just fine.

Did I tell them about my stomach, or lack there of? Yes, I did on the first day. There was talk about taking me to a popular pizza buffet, so I decided it was probably in my best interest to tell them. At first they had the normal questions I get asked like, "You can live without a stomach"? "Where does the food go"? But then the topics just switched and we were done the questions. In the end there is a lot of work to be done and they are glad that I am there, no stomach and all.

The hardest part of this week has been trying to keep my weight up. I have lost six pounds over the last eight days. I kind of figured I would loose some weight, but the six pounds is a little much. I am currently sitting around 183 pounds. I really don't want to get much lower. However with the meeting running back to back it left little time for me to keep up with my eating.

Next week should be better. There is still onboarding and a trip but things should slow down and I should be able to get into a rhythm of eating during the day.

But for this weekend I will relax.
What is on the docket for this weekend?
Well it is Easter.
What would you think of a gutless Easter Bunny.
I will post pictures. Have a great weekend.

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings snow white to life
Bedtime stories every night
That smile lets her know
She somebody's hero
(Somebody's Hero  Jamie O'Neil)

For my Brother-In-Law Jim
Sending Our Love...

A New Beginning.....

So I have a question for you. 

When taking off a band aid, which do you prefer?

1. To slowly peel the band aid back, all the while trying not to pull out every hair that is stuck with it. The goal here is to remove the band aid. Leave the hair intact . All while causing the least amount of pain as possible.       OR...
2. You just rip it off and get it over with? Leave bare patch of skin where the hair used to reside. You might scream and holler like a two year old at first, but a couple seconds into it you are just fine.

Why would I ask this?

My days of unemployment are coming to an end. I have accepted an offer to return to work with a company out of Inver Grove Heights Minnesota. I will be starting work on April 10^th right after we return from a quick trip out to North Carolina to see Jenny, Sam and our Grandson Remi.

Now I have been out of work since January 1^st and this new position is an amazing opportunity, with an amazing company, that should reward and challenge me for years to come. 

However with the start of this new chapter in my life brings up the question of what to tell and when. To be specific how or when do I tell them that I am missing my stomach. I know that I do not have to tell them anything, but lets be honest, it is going to come out one way or another. Heck there is a real possibility that that I will not even make it out of day number one without it coming up. Since this is the first time I have started a new job since I had the surgery, what do I do? Do I just let it come up and work through it, or do I just rip off the band aid off, tell them and get it over with.  

Secretly I am dreading that first day, where the team says “let’s take the newbie to lunch.”

What if they decide to do that and take me to a buffet? Remember I am a horrible date at a buffet.

What if they decide to take me to a place like Subway or Davanni’s where my lunch options are really limited? I love both of these places, but have not eaten there since I had my stomach removed.

Believe it or not the best place for me to go to lunch at is a bar and I am not sure how that will look on day one. Bar appetizers are almost the perfect size, I can eat one third to one half depending on what it is. The rest can be boxed up and I will have lunch for the next couple of days. But going to a bar for lunch on your first day, may send the wrong signal to my new co-workers.

Still if I don’t tell them, and we go to lunch, the group will be staring at me wondering why the heck I am not eating. Do I not like the place that they chose? Do I not like the food? Do I not like to eat? Why is he so skinny? Is he sick? Should we have hired him in the first place? Now none of these question may come up on the first day, but they might. And if they do I am going to have to tell them. So what do I do. The first few days is when teams and executives want to meet the newbie and see what they are all about. It is my opportunity to give them a good first impression of who I am, and I really don't want the fact that I do not have a stomach to dampen the day. The fact that I do not have a stomach has nothing to do with who I am professionally, but it is still there. It is always there as shadow over everything I do. 

What to tell and when. This should be interesting to say the least.  I will let you know how it goes.. 

Maybe they will wait until day two and then it is no big deal!

And though it's always been with me
I must tear down the wall let it be
All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss
(The Wall    Kansas)

In The End Was It Worth It?

Last week ended on a tough note and it brought back a question I have asked myself many times since that day I was told I had the CDH1 mutation.
Did I accomplish anything by having my stomach removed?

You see I spent Friday and Saturday saying good-bye to someone I have know for a number of years. We were not super close, however I got to know him as we played softball together on the church softball team.
He was the young speedy quick player on the team that could stretch a single into a double or a double into an in the park home run. I on the other hand was the not so speedy quick player on the team who could stretch a singe into a single and easily stretch a double into a single as well.

They say you have two times and dates stamped into your life. The day you are born and the day that you die. Everything else is up to you and the decisions you make. If you believe that then it really brings into question whether or not having my stomach removed changed anything. I still have that end date stamped into my "being". There is still an expiration date on my time here and I am not sure that by having my stomach removed changed that date at all.

He was 33 and in great shape. A son, a husband, a father and his life ended in a tragic car accident. He got up went to work and never came home. His time on this earth had ended. I have to believe that if he knew what was going to happen on that day that he would have done something. Changed his route. Changed the time that he left for work or even called in sick. If he had would that have change that days outcome? Would his end date moved?

That's what I did. I changed the path that I might have been on. I got the warning shot that my friend did not. Did I accomplish anything by having my stomach removed?
Did I move my end date? I don't know.
I know that I will not die of stomach cancer.
Still did I change that date?
We will just have to sit back and see how this life plays out.

Two, three count with nobody on
He hit a high fly into the stand
Rounding third he was headed for home
(Brown Eyed Handsome Man   Chuck Berry)

Rest in peace Matt.

Unemployed Week 7.... Stomachless in Greenland.

Remember in the movie The Princess Bride, Vezzini (Wallace Shawn) is verbally running down Fezzik (Andre the Giant) and ask him “do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland!”  Well, that is kind of how I feel right now and since I am stomachless the title of this blog just fit. 

So has being stomachless affected me in my job search? For the most part no, but there was an “oh crap” moment. 

I am still unemployed. My days are spent researching companies. Writing cover letters and sending them out to perspective employers. Most of the time I get computer generated responses saying "thanks for stopping, thanks for shopping".  However once in a while I will get an email back from a real person. You need to have that email, from a real person, to set up a phone interview with a person to hopefully get in to have face to face with a person or two. 

So finally I had made it past a computer. I had made it through a couple of phone interviews and all the way to when they decided to bring me in for a series of  in person interviews. These interviews were going to take a good part of the day and they let me know that they were going to “bring in lunch”.

Here is where not having a stomach more than just kind of sucks.
They were going to bring in lunch. This should be interesting.
There is so much that I still can’t eat, so much that still gets stuck, so many foods that I just stay away from. I could only hope that whatever they decided to “bring in” was something I could eat while still answering questions during the interview.

For me, the key to eating is to eat slowly and make sure that I chew everything completely. When I have problems or something gets stuck it usually is because I wasn’t paying attention to how well I was eating. In most cases I was trying to talk and eat at the same time. Which is exactly what I was going to be doing over this lunch.
Well luckily for me “bringing in lunch” meant going down to their cafeteria and ordering something. There was plenty to chose from so I decided to play it safe with a bowl of soup. This time it turned out fine. I ended up not getting the job, but I did make it through lunch. What happens the next time when the interview is scheduled over lunch and they really do bring something in?
What happens then?  

There is a spot on all online applications now where you have the option to disclose if you have a disability. There are so many choices to select from major depression, missing an arm, or missing a limb. There isn’t one for missing your stomach, or any other major organ that might have been removed for one reason or another.
So what will happen when I do get a new job. Will there be any buyers remorse once they find out about my missing stomach. I hope not, but that day should be interesting to say the least.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind

(Drops of Jupiter  Train)

So what's it like?

Tonight for some odd reason, I thought it would be best to see how much beer I could drink in one session.

4 beers.

That is all I could manage.

4 16oz cans of Lift Bridge Hop dish IPA.

4 beers, 16oz cans at 7.5 ABV. That was it.

When you drink without a stomach, you get the same feeling as if you had a stomach, just a bit faster.

So tonight, I will say "Good Night" knowing that there is one thing that I can not do as well without a stomach, and that is having a few night caps.

Good night my friends.

Roger.