In The End Was It Worth It?

Last week ended on a tough note and it brought back a question I have asked myself many times since that day I was told I had the CDH1 mutation.
Did I accomplish anything by having my stomach removed?

You see I spent Friday and Saturday saying good-bye to someone I have know for a number of years. We were not super close, however I got to know him as we played softball together on the church softball team.
He was the young speedy quick player on the team that could stretch a single into a double or a double into an in the park home run. I on the other hand was the not so speedy quick player on the team who could stretch a singe into a single and easily stretch a double into a single as well.

They say you have two times and dates stamped into your life. The day you are born and the day that you die. Everything else is up to you and the decisions you make. If you believe that then it really brings into question whether or not having my stomach removed changed anything. I still have that end date stamped into my "being". There is still an expiration date on my time here and I am not sure that by having my stomach removed changed that date at all.

He was 33 and in great shape. A son, a husband, a father and his life ended in a tragic car accident. He got up went to work and never came home. His time on this earth had ended. I have to believe that if he knew what was going to happen on that day that he would have done something. Changed his route. Changed the time that he left for work or even called in sick. If he had would that have change that days outcome? Would his end date moved?

That's what I did. I changed the path that I might have been on. I got the warning shot that my friend did not. Did I accomplish anything by having my stomach removed?
Did I move my end date? I don't know.
I know that I will not die of stomach cancer.
Still did I change that date?
We will just have to sit back and see how this life plays out.

Two, three count with nobody on
He hit a high fly into the stand
Rounding third he was headed for home
(Brown Eyed Handsome Man   Chuck Berry)

Rest in peace Matt.

Unemployed Week 7.... Stomachless in Greenland.

Remember in the movie The Princess Bride, Vezzini (Wallace Shawn) is verbally running down Fezzik (Andre the Giant) and ask him “do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland!”  Well, that is kind of how I feel right now and since I am stomachless the title of this blog just fit. 

So has being stomachless affected me in my job search? For the most part no, but there was an “oh crap” moment. 

I am still unemployed. My days are spent researching companies. Writing cover letters and sending them out to perspective employers. Most of the time I get computer generated responses saying "thanks for stopping, thanks for shopping".  However once in a while I will get an email back from a real person. You need to have that email, from a real person, to set up a phone interview with a person to hopefully get in to have face to face with a person or two. 

So finally I had made it past a computer. I had made it through a couple of phone interviews and all the way to when they decided to bring me in for a series of  in person interviews. These interviews were going to take a good part of the day and they let me know that they were going to “bring in lunch”.

Here is where not having a stomach more than just kind of sucks.
They were going to bring in lunch. This should be interesting.
There is so much that I still can’t eat, so much that still gets stuck, so many foods that I just stay away from. I could only hope that whatever they decided to “bring in” was something I could eat while still answering questions during the interview.

For me, the key to eating is to eat slowly and make sure that I chew everything completely. When I have problems or something gets stuck it usually is because I wasn’t paying attention to how well I was eating. In most cases I was trying to talk and eat at the same time. Which is exactly what I was going to be doing over this lunch.
Well luckily for me “bringing in lunch” meant going down to their cafeteria and ordering something. There was plenty to chose from so I decided to play it safe with a bowl of soup. This time it turned out fine. I ended up not getting the job, but I did make it through lunch. What happens the next time when the interview is scheduled over lunch and they really do bring something in?
What happens then?  

There is a spot on all online applications now where you have the option to disclose if you have a disability. There are so many choices to select from major depression, missing an arm, or missing a limb. There isn’t one for missing your stomach, or any other major organ that might have been removed for one reason or another.
So what will happen when I do get a new job. Will there be any buyers remorse once they find out about my missing stomach. I hope not, but that day should be interesting to say the least.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind

(Drops of Jupiter  Train)

So what's it like?

Tonight for some odd reason, I thought it would be best to see how much beer I could drink in one session.

4 beers.

That is all I could manage.

4 16oz cans of Lift Bridge Hop dish IPA.

4 beers, 16oz cans at 7.5 ABV. That was it.

When you drink without a stomach, you get the same feeling as if you had a stomach, just a bit faster.

So tonight, I will say "Good Night" knowing that there is one thing that I can not do as well without a stomach, and that is having a few night caps.

Good night my friends.

Roger.

Everything Happened For A Reason.

Work update:
As of Friday December 30th, I will be unemployed again.
As I mentioned earlier my company was sold to one of our largest competitors located out of Jonesboro Arkansas. For a while it looked as if there would be a chance that they could ask me to move to Arkansas, but in the end the we mutually came to the decision that it was probably not in anyone's best interest to make that move.
So come Friday of this week I will be out of a job.
Now before you start to worry about me please read on.

You see they say that everything happens for a reason. Now when I look back at everything that has happened this past year I honestly believe that.

For instance. When 2016 started I hurt. I had strictures forming weekly and was dropping weight daily. So the year started with multiple trips to the Mayo Clinic for dilations. Then came the stent experience which included a ambulance ride from Mayo to St. Mary's hospital. Then there was three tough weeks where I had problems eating anything and my weight bottomed out at 169 pounds.
I looked like a zombie from the walking dead (or close to it).

After that horrible stent experience though things started to change. My weight stabilized and I actually started gaining weight. Since my surgery eating always has been, and still is, an adventure but you learn to live with it. I now hover right around 189 pounds and fit into jeans I haven't fit into since college.
My overall health is better. Heck I even ran my first 5K this year at the annual Grey Ghost 5K in Anoka Minnesota as part of their Halloween festivities. I finished middle of the pack, but I did finish the course. Gutless and all I made it.
More importantly, since I had the stint taken out, I have not had to return to Mayo Clinic even once. So as horrible as that experience was I will take it. It was a turning point in this "adventure".

Yet life still happened and it had nothing to do with my crappy CDH1 gene. We watched as your oldest daughter and her husband moved away to North Carolina. Yes there was sadness there when it happened, but in the end we sat in amazement and pride as these two flourished and grew into a family. And took me from being just a dad to being a dad and a grandpa.

So that brings us through the year and back to that fact that at the end of this week I will be unemployed. Now I said everything happens for a reason and you may be wondering if there a reason for this. Is there an offsetting positive is to offset this?

Well... Let me introduce you to Mr. Remi!

For the week of January 8th, this little man and my daughter will be home!
So instead of having to run off to work.
Instead of commuting 41 miles one way to work.
Instead of having to manage this or to manage that.
Instead of having to worry about getting work stuff done,
Instead of having to worry why this category or that category is under budget.
I will be focused on being "Papa Roger"otherwise known as this little man's grandpa.

Yes, I may decide to take a interview here or there, but other than that my entire week will be focused on my daughter and this little amazing little man they have brought into our life. Absorbing as much of them as I can until I get to see them again!
See sometimes there is a reason.
I can't wait!

Happy New Year everyone.

We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
And surprise 'em with the victory cry
(Safety Dance   Men Without Hats)

  

An Apology.

I feel like I need to start this blog out with the simple words, I am sorry.

I recently had a conversation with a person that I respect and love as brother and after telling him where I was at in my recovery, he responded with "now you have nothing to complain about".
Have I used this form for nothing but to complain? If I have then I missed what my goal was in sharing this journey. And I am sorry,.

My goal was to leave a path that my children, my grandchild, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews could follow if they ever found themselves in the same situation. A path that my sister Melanie and I found ourselves walking down. Yea the situation sucks, but we have both survived it and are living our lives without the risk of stomach cancer.

During this holiday season I have so much that I am thankful for. I am thankful for my life, a life filled with friends and family. A life with my new grandson Mr. Remi.
My hope is that this blog has not been one of a life missed, but rather of a life that lives fully without fear.

Please know that the message that I wanted to leave was one of hope and one of strength. A message that no matter what the challenge is you can over come it. You can persevere, you can survive, you can win.

I hope I didn't get too far off track.

Roger

I'm sorry, brother I'm sorry I let cha down
Well, these days your're fine
No these days you tend to lie
You'll take the west train, just by the side of Amstedam
Just by your left brain, just by the side of the Tin man
(Amsterdam  Imagine Dragons)

16 Months Post Surgery And Change Is In The Air.....

A year ago I wrote about change and how events small and large change who you are.
Well this week we are waiting on two large changes that will forever change our family.

Big change number one....

The company I work for was sold.

What does that mean for me? I don't know yet.
The sale gets completed on December 30th so by the end of the year I could be unemployed. I could also be working for a new company, I am looking, but have not found anything as of yet.
Still I may stay with my current company and in that case I would most likely have to relocate to Jonesboro Arkansas. That brings up all sorts of changes. The biggest of which would be the impact to our family unit.
On one hand we would be closer to our daughter, her husband, and our future grand-baby.
On the other hand we would also be a lot further away from our son and daughter who will be remaining here in Minnesota. UUGGHH.
I will know more over the coming few weeks, but I can tell you that at 54 years old, I am not a fan of this change.

However....
Speaking of the Grand-Baby. The countdown has begun!
Big change number two....

By the end of the week I will be a Grandpa.

Since we have not been told if the baby is a boy or girl, we all refer to the baby as Baby B. Now Baby B is not actually due until January 1st, but due to some complications they will be inducing my daughter later this week. So Baby B will have a name and be part of our family before weeks end.
My daughter and her husband have had a number of challenges during the pregnancy. As a parent you want to be there and help them. You just ache as you see them go through this alone when they are so far away. Yet they did it. They handled these complications with strength and faith.
I can't tell you how proud I am of both of them.
AND..
I can't tell you how much I am waiting to hear the words, "You are a Grandpa!"

See..  Change can be good also....

There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gon' come, oh yes it will
(A Change Is Gonna Come    Sam Cooke)

My Scar...

I have talked about my scar a few times and how much I hate it. Even today 15 months later it still looks ugly. It still looks angry. And it still hurts. 

I had wanted the original operation to be laparoscopic to avoid having a big scar. With that type of procedure I should have come out of surgery with only five small one inch scars. Well, at some point in time during the surgery, things went sideways and they need to open me up. So now I have this six to seven inch scar running down the middle of my chest. 

So today I headed to the University Of Minnesota to start steroid injections in an effort to try to get this scar to settle down some.  

Funny thing about getting steroid injections. They don’t numb up the area before they start jabbing you with the needle. Who does this? I mean even the dentist gives you some topical before he stabs you with a needle. 

Their reasoning for this is that since both the numbing agent and the steroids are done with a series of shots, it only makes sense to do one series. They feel it makes no sense to start jabbing you with one needle to numb the area and then have to jab you another needle to inject the steroids. Your gonna feel one series of shots anyway so you might as well just get it over and done with. So they go in live. In theory it make sense.
That is until you notice the other folks in the room.

Like other procedures I have had, before the procedure starts, the doctor went over what everyone in the room was going to be doing. In short the other folks were in the room to try to keep my mind off the procedure (WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON!).

One person was there to relax me by messaging my neck. That was nice. Another person was there to watch my feet to make sure that I kept wiggling my toes to keep my mind off the pain. Yes, it really does help. Then there was someone whose sole job was to keep me talking. You see if you are talking then you are breathing. If you are not talking then you might be trying to hold your breath through the procedure which could lead to you passing out. Which would be bad.

Once he had explained what everyone was doing he asked me if I had any questions. My question was “This is really going to suck, isn’t it?”. His response was “Yep, this is gonna sting a bit”.

Needless to say it hurt like hell.  They needed to inject steroids on both sides of the scar so that it healed evenly. So they went from side to side all the way down the length of the scar. Oh and when they happened to hit a sensitive spot on my scar, well that took the level of suck to whole new plane.
In my defense they only had to remind me to breath twice.

Today was the first of what will most likely be three sets of injections.
Next one is set for December 13^th. 

So I got that going for me…  Which is nice..

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

(Don't stop me now  Queen)