"We act normal, mom! I want to *be* normal! The only normal one is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet trained!" (The Incredibles)

Being normal, what does that mean? Will I ever feel normal again? If so what does that entail or is this as normal as I am ever going to be?

The picture to the left is what is left of the old Roger. I am down almost 50 lbs now. I keep eating more and more to try to keep my weight steady. Yet I keep loosing a little ground every few days.
Eating has become a chore. Something I have to think about all the time and plan my day around. Will I ever be able to just sit around and enjoy a day with family and friends without having to worry about what am I going to eat next? Will the food agree with me or do I have to plan sneak off to the bathroom to get rid of it?

Lots of questions and no answers. All I know is that it is time to get back to life and let whatever happens happen. Tomorrow I return to work with no guarantees of what that will bring. I just need to suck it up and dive in. I have a great team waiting for me to return so I will take what ever comes and deal with it.

So in anticipation of returning to work tomorrow I made the decision to get back to some of things I enjoyed before the surgery. to get back to some of the things that makes me feel more "normal".

Saturday a group of us went up to a local bar to watch a band called My Famous Friends. It was a great time with good folks, good music.... and a couple of beers for Roger. The beer tasted great and my body had no problems dealing with it.  It was the first step in reclaiming part of my old life.

Then last night Edie and I went up to the River Inn for dinner. Edie had a Long Island. I had a beer, and for dinner we had .. Pizza! I had no issues processing the mozzarella which was the big concern. Now I only had a few pieces, but let me tell you, those few pieces were amazing. I sense a pizza light being turned on in the not too distant future!

Now there are still a lot of foods that I am having problems eating. However I have successfully added Prime Rib, Pizza and Beer back into my diet and now tomorrow it is back to work.

In other words, I guess "normal" is comin back around!

I tell you somebody's fooling around
With my chances on the dangerline
I'll cross that bridge when I find it
Another day to make my stand
High time is no time for deciding
If I should find a helping hand
(The Reflex  Duran Duran)

You Win Some, You Loose Some. An Update From Yesterday

Let's start off with the good news.

I get to go back to work next Wednesday.
I was give the all clear by Dr. Kendrick's team and we are good to go. They have no concerns about my health as far as the surgery goes. My restrictions have been removed and I am able to return to my previously scheduled life to the extent that I can tolerate it. It will feel So good to be back at work.
I know that it is still work, but sometimes things are just different.
I stopped by the office last Monday to drop off some paperwork and got a chance to catch up with a bunch of folks while I was there. It felt so good to be back. I have a great team and have wonderful co-workers, so it will be good to get back. I have also been working a couple of hours here and there at the store. Again, wonderful people to work with and our customers are the best. I just need to get back into the mix at both places.

The not so good news.
First. Somewhere I lost a couple more pounds and the dietitian was not impressed. The Mayo has the official scale and if the reading yesterday was correct, I am now down almost 45 pounds. I have no more weight to loose. This is going to make the next few weeks challenging. She wants me to start counting calories again and would like me to eat 2,000 to 2,400 calories per day. I still struggle with sugar and a lot of calories come from sugar, so I am not sure how that is going to happen.

Second. I have to go back down to Mayo again on Friday to meet with the Neurology department. I am having an issue with one of my legs which is making it difficult to get around.
While in the hospital I was give a series of Heparin shots. The drug is used to prevent blood clots while you are you are bed ridden. I was getting three shots a day, and I was in the hospital a total of 15 days. So all in all, I received 45 Heparin shots while there. The shots were given in my thighs and they would switch from one leg to another. Now I have an issue where my left thigh. It has gone numb, except for the spot where it feels like a razor blade is running across it. If I stand or walk for too long it hurts, so they need to figure out what is going on there.

In the end, I was happy with the visit.  I get to get back to living. I go back to work a week from today and for the most part all is well again.

In fact on Saturday night, I am going to see one of my favorite local bands play and it might just be the time to see what the new plumbing thinks of beer. I keep you updated!

We find out what we are made of
When we are called to help our friends in need
(Count On Me   Bruno Mars)

  

A couple weeks.

Just how long is a couple of weeks? 

I hear it all the time. “You hear you are a couple weeks away from feeling somewhat normal.”  “You are a couple of weeks away from getting your strength back.”  You’re a couple of weeks from this, you’re a couple of weeks from that and it never seems to get closer. I want a date that is more definite that a “couple of weeks”

Now I have one and it is not a “couple of weeks”. It is just under two weeks. 13 days and I return to work. It may sound the same, but it is not. To many times a “couple of weeks” can drag on, but I have a date.  Wednesday September 30^th, and I get to move on from this stage of my life, turn the page and move on.

OK, so I have an update with the surgical team next Tuesday and I need to pass that. Something could go sideways on me there to delay my return, but it shouldn’t. I feel good. My weight has stabilized. I seem to be eating and drinking enough to get me through the first week or so without a huge weight loss.

Anyway, the paperwork for my return to work is signed and turned in. The first week in Oakdale will be Wednesday thru Friday.  The store will start putting me back on the schedule in October. It is all good.

So unless something bad happens on the 22^nd, I am heading back to work.

Out there in the spotlight
You're a million miles away
Every ounce of energy
You try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body
Like the music that you play

(Turn The Page  Bob Seger)

I gained a pound!

I know that in most people's lives that headline is not a cause for celebration, but in my case it is. From Wednesday to Thursday, I ate enough protein to add one pound of weight back on. This is the first time, since August 4 that, I have had a positive weight gain day. Now I may have given it back since then, but I will take the victory that day anyway. It is a good sign that things are getting a lot better.

I am now down 42 pounds since this all started. None of my clothes fit, and even my belts don't go small enough. I found a container of old clothes, not sure why I kept them, but there were jeans in there that I haven't fit into since Jackson was born 21 years ago. I need a belt to keep them on. I am not a huge clothes shopper so the thought of going out to buy a new wardrobe does nothing for me.

Eating is still a hit or miss proposition. I have found some high protein staples that have helped. Fish is my new friend. Lunchables are a great source of protein and are easy to have around and to snack at during the day, Greek yogurt is a great source of protein, but has taken me a bit longer to "acquire" the taste for. All in all I believe that I have a war chest of foods that I can eat to keep my weight up especially once I return to work later this month.

I still struggle keeping hydrated, but have found a new friend to help. Watermelon!  The first time I tried it, it did not agree with me. Watermelon pulp is stringy, got stuck going down and then proceeded to come back up. Last night I took and juiced the watermelon in the blender to create a drink and it was amazing. It was not too sweet, but had amazing flavor. It had come directly out of the fridge so it was really cold. I will be doing that more and more often now.

I have been spending a lot of time arguing with my insurance company about coverage for the supplements I will be taking for the rest of my life. It seems as if they will cover none of them, especially the B-12 shot. It is the only one I can not find an over the counter alternative for.

At the end of the day, things now seem to be turning my way. I know I still have a ways to go and need to start working on building up my stamina. Yet, for the first time in a long time, I feel good and believe that there will be a point in time when all this will be behind me.

Hey, I might just pull this off!

Happy Labor Day everyone. I hope wherever you are that you are having an amazing end to your summer. 

Things here are going really well this time.  I am, for the most part, off of pain medications. Unless I eat the wrong thing, or too much of the right thing, I do not need them.  I still have a shelf full of medications and supplements that I need to take, but I am pleased that the pain meds are for the most part gone.

I am still losing weight, but even that has slowed down to a manageable level. I have lost two pounds since leaving the hospital over a week ago.  Managing my weight by counting grams of protein instead of counting calories has helped a lot. 

I still struggle though with eating and keeping myself hydrated. I feel that will most likely come around as these next few weeks progress.   

For food they want me eating small amounts every two hours or so.  The catch is that I cannot drink anything one half hour before I eat, or for one half hour after I eat.  That makes eating and drinking challenging. You are trying to schedule when you eat and when to stop drinking.  Basically I need an hour and a half with no liquids.  I can focus on eating and then once the hour and a half is done, try to catch up on my liquids.

Bottom line is that I spend a lot less time eating and keeping hydrated than I do planning on how to eat and keep hydrated.  If that makes any sense. 

The doctors have pushed my return to work date back to the end of September. So I have another 4 weeks to try to figure out how I am going to continue to eat this way, once I get back to my normal routine.

Tomorrow will be five weeks out from my surgery and it is finally beginning to look like I am turning the corner and starting gain some steam towards getting health again.

Thanks for all your support.

Breathe in deep. Let it out.

Wash the bitterness out of your mouth.

Threes no room left for darkness when, you’re filled with the light it comes out.

(Let It Rain   Zac Brown Band)

A few steps forward? Maybe!

We just arrived home from a visit to Mayo and I might have to call this a good day.

First off, NO PICC line.  If my weight had dropped to much, then they were going to restart the PICC line and send me home with I.V.s containing nutrients.  I really do not think I could have handled that.  The thought of being at home with bags of fluid attached to me didn't sit well.  The good news is that my weight was down only one pound since early Saturday and they were pleased.  No PICC line!  First thing that has swung my way so far and I'll take it.

We also now have an updated nausea plan and a new dose of one of the medications needed to control it.  

I now have specific protein goals to help me maintain my weight. I have some new menu options and we will see how they go. They also were able to explain a issue I was having with food coming back up, so I feel good about that. They were not to pleased with the small bag of chips I ate the other day however, but in my defense the bag of chips was given to me by one of their staff members. Not my fault.

The challenge I see right now is keeping hydrated. My taste buds have changed slightly and certain things do not taste good anymore. They say it is normal and it will pass.  I just can't handle the taste of water right now. There is a foul aftertaste that makes it hard to drink and keep down. We are going to be adding lemonade to it for the time being, but they want me to drink a lot, and it is too sweet to do that. If any of you have ideas, I would love to hear them.

And for those who know me well, they said NO to diet coke, long islands and beer.  I tried.

Or would you like to swing on a star?
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a fish?

(swingin on a star  Bing Crosby)